so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
