I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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