I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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