I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
