WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
