i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
