There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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