his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
