Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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