this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
