Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The Olympian is in my bed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
