hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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