so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
