wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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