he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
