I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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