who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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