I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
