Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
