Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it was like eating out sand paper
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
