I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
