I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
