my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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