Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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