i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
