lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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