she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The best revenge is premature balding
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
