proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
