I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
