My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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