I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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