We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
