How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
