Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
