Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
