I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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