It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
