Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
this hospital has no fireball
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