ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
