6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
