At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need a beard to bite.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
