Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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