I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
