those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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