I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Your dad touched me again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
