i jhust puked up my retainher.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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