Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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