thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
