I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
