And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
