What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
