You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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