White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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