Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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