its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have aggressive nipples.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
