i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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