Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
