oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
