Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
