i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
