I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
