Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
